Listen to me and Connie share Pinterest and IG marketing tips – plus get mindset tips on self-sabotage from our guest speaker, Tabatha Thorell, and an exclusive discount on her Millionaire Money Makers Masterclass!
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Marketing & Self-Sabotage
Before we dig into this episode, let’s talk about self sabotage. What is it? Self sabotage is behavior that pretty much screws you up. The crazy thing is that it’s YOUR behavior! It’s the decisions you make and actions you take that can mess up your progress, success, and mental wellbeing. In this article by Psychology Today, it’s defined as, “Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems in daily life and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors include procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting.” Tabatha Thorell talks about self-sabotage in this episode and really digs into the root of the self-sabotage. She asks, “why are you self-sabotaging?
What is the Root of Your Self-Sabotage?
So, why do you think you’re self-sabotaging? What is the root?” Is it a fear of success? Is it a fear of failure or embarrassment? Did someone tell you that you wouldn’t amount to anything and it got stuck in your head? Are you afraid about how your success will affect those around you? The first step to really getting to the root of the problem and finding the cause of your self-sabotage is asking yourself, “why?.” One of the things I personally believe can really create self-sabotage is imposter syndrome that we talk about in this Marketing & Mindset Episode. Tabatha says that figuring out why you started this behavior is really important.
Are You Sabotaging Yourself?
If you’re familiar with the Marketing & Mindset Podcast, you already know that we record inside of Clubhouse in front of a live audience. In this episode, Tabatha helps someone who is self-sabotaging and gives him amazing advice! Rose comes on stage and shares with us that he is struggling with fear of success which is the root if his self-sabotage. He grew up being good and succeeding at things, but when he jumped into his music career, he started struggling between his musician identity and his personal identity. He said that he was so afraid of failing in the music industry that he was struggling with fear and anxiety from it.
Rose shared with us that he grew up in a household that really emphasized the importance of education and school being the main way of making a living, but he is trying to make a living as a musician. He fears that if he doesn’t succeed as a musician he is going to let his parents down and disappoint them. Rose even shared about how he leaned towards doing songwriting versus being the musician himself because of his fear of competition and people pulling away from him due to his success.
Tabatha asks Rose...."What is the root of your fears?"
Tabatha asks him what was so scary about people being in competition with him or pushing him away due to his success. She asked him to find out what the root was of that fear. Rose shared that he might lose people in his life and be alone. Tabatha confirms that the root of his self-sabotage is losing love and connection with people due to being successful. She shares that it’s extremely important to address that fear and rationalize it to see if it’s really a legitimate fear.
Is Your Fear Even Legitimate?
Tabatha lets Rose know that the people who push him away when he is successful are insecure and have fear themselves. She notes that his fear are based on theirs – that their behavior is a reflection of their insecurities and fears over his success. Rose admits that it’s their insecurities causing him fear and anxiety. She goes on to tell Rose that he has power of controlling whether their opinion matters to him. She empowers him to not let their insecurities affect him and to avoid changing his own behavior in order to please the people around him. She suggests he accepts that he can’t control how other people feel about him – whether it’s jealousy or disappointment – that he has full control of allowing them to affect how he acts and behaves.
How to Get Over Your Fear
Rose says this fear of failure has really messed up his confidence and created his self-sabotage. Tabatha suggests that despite his fears, he needs to do what he wants to do anyways! No matter what your fears are, face them and do it anyways. She suggests you really think about what ultimate failure really is to you, and decide whether you would even really be failing. She reminds Rose that many people fail multiple times before they finally succeed.
Anxiety is really just a lack of control.
When you can’t control the situation, it causes anxiety and fear. And Tabatha really was able to help Rose realize that he can’t control the people around him, but that it shouldn’t stop him from facing his fears and being successful.
Fear of Failure
As the conversation progressed, Rose shared with us about a new business that he was interested in starting and wasn’t sure how to present it to his audience. Connie gives Rose amazing advice about not being scared to launch his new business and not to stress about how his audience will respond. She assured him that he was going to have a lot to learn in his business journey, that he will need to learn what his audience will and won’t enjoy, figure out their pain points, and market to them correctly.
Connie also assured Rose that every little success as he grows his business is huge! That he needs to set small and realistic goals for his business or otherwise he will self-sabotage. She said you can’t expect to launch the business, get a million followers, and a ton of sales overnight. That he will feel like a failure fast and it would be self-sabotage. She let him know that the best way to approach his business is by setting small, achievable goals. She says that 10 followers who engage with his content are more important than 10,000 who barely engage with him. Lastly, she encourages him to be excited versus fearful about launching and growing his business – to change the word “failure” to “learning” and change his mindset by changing his words.
Tabatha agrees with Connie that changing your words can have power over your mindset. She encourages Rose to look at failure as a learning curve to success in his business.
Last Tip to Stop Self-Sabotage from Tabatha
- Ask yourself, “what’s the worst that can happen?” Are you just afraid about feeling some type of way? When you really think about what you’re afraid of and analyze it, you’ll learn that it’s not as bad as you think.
- Connect with others and talk with others. Staying connected with others will keep you from getting trapped inside your own head. Talking about your fears and self-sabotage can help you overcome them. Get help or find a coach if you need to.
Self-sabotage, fear, and anxiety can really impact your success. Analyzing the root of your fear, changing your words, and viewing fear as learning curves to your success can make a huge impact to your mindset and stop your self-sabotage. Remember that your anxiety is about things you can’t control, but you can control how you react to those things. Take deep breaths. Feel the fear and do it anyways. Never give up on your dreams – and for the love of everything…STOP the self-sabotage!
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